They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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