Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love you. Go after that dick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think i got beer on your cat.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
