if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
