Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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