All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
