i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
