Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
did i walk over a car last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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