Your tits are I can't wait for
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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