the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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