Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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