you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
