she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
