I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
