Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
