$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's blow job season.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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