i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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