apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
