Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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