please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i out mim tonsoeep
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
