Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
