Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
