Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
