i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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