just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
