saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
