No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
