Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
