grandma shit on top of the toilet
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
