why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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