Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
