Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
