he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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