just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
