wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
