suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
