Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
