So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
