Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
