Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
