I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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