i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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