That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
