i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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