i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
