I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
