fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
