woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
