I think I died a long time ago.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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