great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
