If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
