This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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