i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Say something about gay babies.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
