i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
