Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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