You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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