So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
