I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My liver is preforming stress tests.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
