You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
